"For by grace you have been saved through faith;

and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God"

  (Ephesians 2:8 - emphasis mine)

I have always thought this verse was talking about the faith that God gives me to believe in him. 

My faith. 

But what if Paul is talking about God's faith? 

God's faith in me?

I believe, whether we find it here in Ephesians or not, that

Faith is not so much that 

I believe in God,

but that God believes in me.

God,

I am afraid to embrace who I have been, the worst that has happened to me and made me a part of who I am. I am running inside, from what might happen again some time, and losing touch with beauty and stillness, with my own soul.  Forgetting what I really want. Forgetting that Magic is real.

Please take me by the hand and lead me back to still waters and green pastures. Help me to accept that you turn the worst into my best ... that I might pass that on. That you stand guard at the gate to the sheepfold, rod and staff in hand.

I don't believe so much that you allowed this to happen -- filtered it through your love [is there a verse for that? I can't think of one.] Rather I  believe that you chose to walk through it with me ... all the darkness and pain ... your cloak around me keeping me warm.

Why do you, my child, extend the fruits of my Spirit to every living creature but yourself? Can you treat yourself, a being of infinite value, with

love ...
     joy ...
          peace...
               patience ...
                    kindness ...
                         goodness ...
                               ... and gentleness?

I know, you see your sins and weaknesses, you obsess on them and look at yourself through a clouded microscope.

But I do not.

I see you as you are meant to be, as I am creating you to be, as you really are (in the more true reality of eternity) clothed in white and reflecting my Light, glorious and beautiful.

Ask, seek to see yourself with my eyes. Then, and only then, will the eyes of your own soul be enlightened to see others the way they will be.

Dear One, Dear One,

"You are troubled and distracted by so many things, but only one thing is necessary." You don't need to prepare anything to come to me. You don't need to serve me. Come, sit here by me, and open the ears of your spirit, for I have much to tell you (Luke 10:38-41). Great and unsearchable secrets (Jer. 33:3), love, and encouragement ... challenges and even rebukes (Heb. 12:6-7). But the things I say will increase your faith, and your ability to love. Indeed, the things you hear from me create your faith, for faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ (Rom 10:17) . And that, my child, is all you need to find rest from your anxieties, distractions and fears.

Faith

Listening 

More faith 

More ability to hear

Fruit

Love

Rest 

All you need you will find here, next to me, listening to my words, and in the silence, listening to the beat of my heart with you head upon my breast.

Precious Abba,

I always thought that I was doing something for You by my quiet times and prayer and service. But You do not need anything from me. I am not doing anything more when I am serving God than when I eat a cookie! [Jeremiah 15:16] You are the One who nurtures me!

The Holy Spirit brought me back to this post today. I have begin rushing past Him again. Work and rest are so hard to keep in balance. Perhaps that's because we need to do both at the same time?

~ ~ ~

Oh precious little one – my beloved child. I am so glad to have you back with me – listening to me in the silence as of old – returning to your First Love.

I have been waiting with such longing to embrace you – but your noise, distraction, and busyness – constant motion – have drowned me out. It is impossible to hear God in the bustle of technology … the constant music – even praise music – You Tube, texting, “virtual” relationships like Facebook or even identifying with television characters (“relationships” which are only imaginary).  Too much, just too much:  too much Christian service, too much exercise, too much food, too much Bible study and reading. Too much anything.

Silence is the Voice of God – how I jealously long for my children to come to me in stillness of heart and mind, tuning out the siren calls of the multi-media world – and listen – cease striving, and know that I AM God.

The silence I truly long for is silence of the soul.

But it takes courage, for in the silence comes the hunger, woundedness, anger, and pain you are striving to stuff down or escape with the noise, the technology, the “too much.” But only in the silence can you heal.

Sink down into the present moment where I AM. Relax in me as I entice you to come away with me, away from the noise, to lie in green pastures by still waters. In the Silence and stillness I will refresh and repair your soul so that my splendor can better be displayed in your eyes, your touch, and your life.

The noise is like a dirty window, blocking my Light from shimmering and shining through you.

Listen. For the Silence has much to say.

Letter to Judas -

You lured me winsomely into your web, a black widow spider. Waiting, accumulating the ammunition of my pain to fire back at me like poison.

You saw me coming, kindness and acceptance to cover your shame, later to find out I was broken and frail (more here.)

Didn’t you know? Only the wounded can heal.

You feasted on me. Thus sated, you spit me out in my agony -- known and rejected..

My Beloved,

You are the light of the world. My light shines into your darkness. From the outskirts of eternity it dawns on the darkroom in your soul. Then. A tiny spark in the center of your being shines out into infinity.

Where then,
is the shadow?

My Dear Child,

The grief you feel is my own. Every tear that you cry I store in My bottle in heaven and craft it into heavenly treasure that waits for you. There is no way around the pain, the only way is **through**. Embrace it, feel it, hold it in your heart, and you will be free. Your grief is prayer for your friend's soul and those who loved him. I hear your cries and will answer.

Love Jesus

Lord I come before You, destitute of your Holy Spirit who is far from me. My own soul is a desert landscape devoid of your holy presence. All that remains is flesh filled with anger and resentment and toil and despair. My heart is stone locked in bitterness. I come to You my Sculptor and ask You to chip away at my marble heart to free your good creation inside the stone, a living statue filled with Your Breath.

I do not want to eat the fruit of going my own way -- no never! Yet I am not willing to die or live for you. This yieldedness is an impossible effort for mere mortals. Only you can sustain me and grant to me a willing spirit as Your gift of mercy. And this I ask of You believing that whatsoever I should ask in Your name, according to Your will, shall be done for me. Amen.

My dear, angry child,

Do you think that if you rage at Me I will respond in kind? Imagine the most loving person you know, would that person rage back at you? Am I not infinitely more kind? Is my ego to be damaged? Do I thrive on your approval? Is a parent offended by a toddler's tantrum?

If you do not begin at a point of honesty, you cannot move on toward change and healing. Discard your pretense and theology. Replace them with candor and transparency, for you know I see through the impostor to the lovely creature I have created in you.

Come. Breathe. Speak. Listen. Yield. Heal.

With infinite lovingkindness,
Your Abba

Dear One,

Do not be dismayed at your shortcomings and failings. It pleases me to leave many of them as they are. I use sinful, messed up people ...

I like to be the Perfect One!

Beloved Lord Jesus ...

I exhale, releasing all the things I treasure.  They rise like balloons, wafting weightlessly like countless rainbows against a clear blue sky. Each balloon a possession, a thing that I call mine. How I long for the delight of possessing nothing. Even you, my Lord will never be possessed. Yet I believe in the Imperishable Seed eternally buried in the deepest part of my heart. The Living Seed that is my deposit guaranteeing an eternal love affair with the One I love.

I also breathe up and out a few black balloons -- the hurts and lies that hold me captive -- releasing them into Your sky.  And I see your finger touching and bursting each one to fall away in tatters, leaving only a myriad of iridescent rainbows in Your care!

Don't fear my beloved one –
just abide
and listen.
You will hear me.
Period.

Love,
Jesus

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21 NIV84)

Holy Spirit, you are like a butterfly ... beautifully lingering and delighting, but taking flight at the grasp.

From (God bless you Lynn!!!) The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God

Quote from the book:

We listen and we are aware of … a sigh. And under the sigh is something dangerous, something that feels adulterous and disloyal to the religion we are serving. We sense a passion deep within that threatens a total disregard for the program we are living; it feels reckless, wild. Unsettled, we turn and walk quickly away, like a woman who feels more that she wants to when her eyes meet those of a man not her husband. ... Something calls to us through [suffering] and rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty,and adventure. ... Discover your soul's deepest longing and ... embrace it as the most important part of your life.

My response:

Abba – Jesus – Holy Spirit –

Please embolden and empower me to embrace the longing  –  the vortex of hunger, need, and despair. It is only homesickness. Help me to fall into it and get lost in the freefall. For there I now know I will find Your arms, Your love, and Your heart – and my own.

I have been trying in my own self-effort to stop or control the hunger in order to stop overeating. This is exactly backwards!!! I need to glut myself on the black hole of need – hurl myself, abandon myself into the consumption of it. Throw every hindrance aside and pig out on God.

Little Bird come and light down. Withdraw and settle into my Holy Spirit like a little dove resting under her mother's wings. Settle in and repose with stillness in utter safety. Soak Me in and do absolutely nothing but trust Me.

As you are able to calmly withdraw and relax in Me, you will be:

avenged

defended

helped

preserved

and

rescued

You will be altogether, absolutely, eternally safe.

Then you will rise up like a mighty eagle and FLY on the heights! You will soar on the four winds of the heavens -- the Breath of my Spirit -- shimmering with My splendor.


Inspired by the original Hebrew of Isaiah 30:15-16.