Letter to Judas -

You lured me winsomely into your web, a black widow spider. Waiting, accumulating the ammunition of my pain to fire back at me like poison.

You saw me coming, kindness and acceptance to cover your shame, later to find out I was broken and frail (more here.)

Didn’t you know? Only the wounded can heal.

You feasted on me. Thus sated, you spit me out in my agony -- known and rejected..

My Beloved,

You are the light of the world. My light shines into your darkness. From the outskirts of eternity it dawns on the darkroom in your soul. Then. A tiny spark in the center of your being shines out into infinity.

Where then,
is the shadow?

My Dear Child,

The grief you feel is my own. Every tear that you cry I store in My bottle in heaven and craft it into heavenly treasure that waits for you. There is no way around the pain, the only way is **through**. Embrace it, feel it, hold it in your heart, and you will be free. Your grief is prayer for your friend's soul and those who loved him. I hear your cries and will answer.

Love Jesus

Lord I come before You, destitute of your Holy Spirit who is far from me. My own soul is a desert landscape devoid of your holy presence. All that remains is flesh filled with anger and resentment and toil and despair. My heart is stone locked in bitterness. I come to You my Sculptor and ask You to chip away at my marble heart to free your good creation inside the stone, a living statue filled with Your Breath.

I do not want to eat the fruit of going my own way -- no never! Yet I am not willing to die or live for you. This yieldedness is an impossible effort for mere mortals. Only you can sustain me and grant to me a willing spirit as Your gift of mercy. And this I ask of You believing that whatsoever I should ask in Your name, according to Your will, shall be done for me. Amen.